Lala has a hole in her bottom. It didn’t exist in her youth. But yesterday Lala  grew up and went  to wash her bottom herself. And she had found this awful news.

  And  sorrow, like driving rain, had come immediately. Hundred-karate tears have burned  holes in  the carpet and dried on the tiles in the bathroom by salted roses.

   In past years, when childhood wasn’t so harsh, and doves  and dogs were the same size in Lala’s  eyes,   bottom was washed by persons from  specially trained relatives. They washed it clean, but in silence.  And yesterday Lala decide to check what going on there, and  the world  had become  grey.

  

   She lived  good  before, with her cheerful and, it very important point, with integrate  bottom. Shape, color,  sound – everything were perfect. Peaches supposed this bottom best among them and tried to imitate it in any point. And suddenly,  hole, worrisome, like whistle in night,    was found in the very center of “ Dutch kingdom”. And she has felt uneasy – somebody can crawl in there, or, more worse situation, crawl out.

 It is written in woman’s novels:”All in tears, with  tossing hear, she run to the father”. It is custom in novels  - run to the father in any  tiny case, barely find  new kids in husband from three secret marriage, or, for example, neighbor-bustard- plantator burst in the room at night and made hole in bottom.

  Of course, novels  embellish.  Lala ran not “all in tears”, just only  waist-deep.

  Now, lets talk about Lala’s father. It is terse man with  romantic scar on his brain. Everybody know his selfless laziness  and lamebrain fantasy, that beat god’s facility. For example, only he can take a picture of any person and have got famous “black square”. And if he cooks  pork with vegetables, he decides independently, if he will put there beans or not. And after that he is the same independent in decision, if pot should be thrown out  with all content, or meat should be winkle out from there before. It is because he has intuition and power of spirit. Exactly he  stuck out ball by scotch,  broke  chandelier  and  hid debris under the sofa. Only such father can really help, if bottom  has worn out.

    Lala  carfully has poured  her parent waist-deep. Well, you would be able to write “ Father and daughter all in tears” afterword.  And had claimed to  assess  damage visually, turning to the world by face, and to the father by ass – look, such “awful” there. News, that hole is little and nice didn’t carry calmness.

  And suddenly, on the page 354, father has admitted,  hole-bottomness is family fiture. And he, and their mother Lucy, and even shaggy sister Masha… all they are not hermetic. More then that, farting is not abstract voice of sofa.

    In all its inscrutability, sketch from buttocks life  made Lala’s day. Cognitive dissonance  becomes not so dissonant. Of course it was a little bit pitty, we are not from princess family, but an other hand she has now theme for chat with younger friends. They should   be really amazed. 

 Yesterday, on the way to the figure skating lessons, Lala had partaken  from tree of knowledge  of French cosmetic.

   Like all things interesting  to youth, this had happened  on the back seat of parents’  jalopy. While mom steered, Lucy Nezabudkina, scattered cheers to the other following cars: “ Stump of idiot!”, “ Throw  out your driving license!” and “ where do you go, ape lop-eared!” – Lala  had curled down, pulled the purse, and raked out GOODs, evil  and quickly learn about everything.

  Girl  had been whining happily and softly   from opened purse’s prospects. Loud whining would be silliness, mom could hear and close those prospects. Like mother, and like woman she was person greedy  for cosmetics. Even impossible to understand why.  We already all last year have been  stopping to eat lipsticks. Sometimes, of course  if  some bats come in our belfry,  have an attack of riotous license, then say by-by to the lipstick tube.

  Lala  had neglected  any  mirror, worked on touch, guided only by creative intuition and by a little bit smarmy conception about size of own lips, eyes and cheeks.

  For the  decoration of lower part of face she applied technique of “wide brushstroke” . Her  painting style  had generic outline drawing, notional simplicity of symbols, bright sonority of individual  color patches.

  Light and transparent landscapes of the right cheek, dynamical everyday scene of the left, seem  to  carol emotional  beauty and  glee of life. Composition  breathed  poetically, a game of lineal rhymes, faint colors of a gypsy marriage. Thee wide black lines though the Lala’s forehead ( equals number of  manholes caught by Lucy)  had caroled eternal aspiring of soul to the exalted, to the light, to the Holy Ilja and Nickolas, or whoever formed there  Bourjois sets.

 The author decorated her eyes  with audacious challenge, spilled in one mix allusion of early Gaugin, grotesque of  Loutrec kitsch and basic principle of modernism “ there is not too much mascara”    

-         So strange a silence! – Nezabudkina became suddenly guarded  and decided to see to be sure. And on the back seat already sat all, what Lala thought about  French painting of last  century.

Being affected by the beauty  and power of  world impressionism, it had blossom there, where other kids usually have  heads, Nezabutkina  had done triple Ritberger. Exactly during streering.  The following drivers cheered her: “ Stump of idiot!”, “ Throw  out your driving license!” and “ where do you go, ape lop-eared!”

 Of course, Lala shouldn’t  show herself to mother in this condition. It was girl’s nonchalance. Mother is woman too, and envying. She should have run away  from the car to the people, to the cheers of progressive individuals, who are understanding of high style

   Nezabudkina decided that shouldn’t allow   this Boticcelli to skate. Everybody  will run away and it will be boring . Internally Lucy’s Moidodyr has  sworn to catch that art, pull it to the water and transform it back into a kid. But hot water wasn’t available at the ice rink. And waterproof mascara had laughed in the Lucy’s  internal Moidodyr face. But Moidodyr didn’t  give up, and figure skater Alika S soon appeared  in the ice rink with a face  which you will not  be able to imagine if you didn’t see early Monet. Well…  it is pond, water lilies and highlights on the water. Means, that exactly these highlights   were the main theme   of Lala’s image.

 And today Lala said:

-         When I’ll become adult, I want  to be a man.

And I  understand her perfectly.

   Yardman Vitalik with the nickname “ Violet Fog”  always walks with  a snow shovel. He  is afraid of falling down without the shovel  and staying horizontal eternally. He never works sober, because  there exists a sort of falsity in sober yardmen. But he scrapes like Apollo.

   During most icy months, when some yamschic becomes a glacier in any snowdrift, Vitalk’s paths are  washed and dried by his special alcoholic stench. Random snowflakes  don’t even try  to mar his work and turn off to the neighbor’s snowdrifts. Ones who  don’t turn off are caught by Vitalik and killed by his  iron shovel. For reason of his such severe psychic condition our  with Lalas sled has  scuffed.

   The Chinese  factory of blue tubs  makes this sled by  binding rope to their tubs. It has proved a very useful item. You can treat sore legs there, store tomatoes and drag kids to kindergarten , if  snow falls or  the rain’s pools are not too deep.

     I spent 2 euro on this sled and don’t feel sorry at all. I tried it  out myself.  I had developed huge speed sliding from the bridge. I  wanted to  fly up like from a springboard, but was saved by one birch. It   ran out like a woman  to  meet the man,  who  flew lonely through  the sky in the blue sled. Our coupling was fleeting but bright.

  We go with Lala to the kindergadern  across the street,  near through bushes and  fence. Funny dog  of  spicies “mad  freak” runs out to meet us. It cries at me like we would be married. I show  first to it and Lala happily laughs.

    There are some more bushes after the dog, fence again, and  the end of all, we are entering to the  Vitalik’s eternally summer paths, and rub them by sled’s bottom.

  Next is very technical text, follow fingers. During winter holes  are rubbed  in sled’s bottom  and rake snow under the passenger’s bottom. And after  that  snow fall out from that holes back to the territory of paranoic yardman. It is like snow smuggling. On the clean path under the Lala’s weight raked snow is squeezed out .Two stripes of snow stay after Lala’s sled. White on black, very Martian by view. It seems like some alien  with outearth mind  has carried in armful of snow and shat outearth  message.

    I’d can buy hundred new sleds, but I sow with which face Vitalik rakes out this unearthly trace. He was invincible and handsome.  

-         All Martians can go back to their ass – was saying his shovel’s swings.

 Tomorrow I’m going to depict mysterious  snow circles and trace of landing strip of spaceship. And I’ll leave note:

“ Vitalik, stop to remove landing signs, our spaceships stuck  in  snow”